Monthly Archives: October 2007

You know, I thought it would be anti-climactic. But today feels like Christmas.

I went out for breakfast with my partner and my best friend, and we arrived at the clinic a little after noon for our 1:15pm appointment.  J, the director of the trans health initiative at the clinic handed us our prescriptions, and from there we went to the nearby Rite Aid to get them filled.

10 minutes and $105 later, I had my first vial in hand.  10mL is not a lot, for the record.  I am in awe of the potency of HRT.

My partner, J, and the nurse practitioner were all cramped into the same tiny exam room, talking about needle sizes, drawing the suspension into a syringe, and waste disposal.
The nurse practitioner taught my partner and I how to inject on each other, and said that when/if we ever decided to self-inject, we’d have no trouble doing it. We drew up the serum with an 18g needle, and then switched off for a 23g to inject. She gave my partner his shot while talking me through it. It looked really easy. Then she was going to do me and talk my partner through it.

I didn’t even feel the needle go in. I thought she’d just pressed the bevel up to my ass to show my partner where she’d be sticking it, but no, the needle was 1.5″ in my lovehandle. For the first time in her professional career, the nurse practitioner pulled out the needle, believing the syringe was empty, but there was really 1/4cc left to inject. After apologizing profusely and switching needles, my partner gave me the rest of the dose in my other butt cheek.

I’m the worst patient ever. I giggled so much that the needle was waggling around sticking out of my ass, and the nurse was laughing and pretending to be angry and my partner was kind of freaking out, which only made me laugh harder.

That was that. Another $50 and we were on our way back home. My butt is slightly achey, still. But I think that a lot of that is in my head, to be honest. An hour after the shot, I felt exhausted. I’m not sure if the adrenaline rush just went out, or if it’s my body’s strange reaction to T. I guess we’ll see. We took a 2-hour nap when we got home.

We are both on the same dose of 150mg every 14 days, but we were given the freedom to experiment with schedules and dosages until we find what’s right for us.  After a month or two, I hope to have my levels tested to see if I can’t bring it down to 50mg/week.

I’m not even worrying about subcutaneous injections at this point, because IM injection in the glute was so painless and simple.

It’s so strange to know that one of the biggest hurdles is through. That right now, chilling out in my body, testosterone is soaking into my system. That tiny bit of syrup is going to slowly change so much of my life. It made so much sense cognitively, as I researched all of this, as I saw guys further along in transition. But now that it’s in me–me–I find it really bewildering. I’m going around eating chicken sandwiches at Wendy’s and doing dishes, and my body chemistry is being completely rewired.

I feel so inside my body right now. I’m not used to paying so much attention to the way I’m feeling. I’m not sure if I’m listening for changes, for adverse reactions, for side effects, for just a general at-ease feeling. I can see how guys can think that their body is changing much faster than it really is, after so long of being dissociative, and then suddenly rocketing back into your body. It’s intense.

I’m still sleepy; I hope after a good night’s rest I won’t feel so lethargic.