(trans)prose

Lately there have been a lot of Internet discussions about disclosure of transsexual history to romantic partners.  I haven’t really worked out entirely what I feel on the subject, but I’m going to flesh it out a bit here.

I anticipate that I will choose to disclose to most people with whom I anticipate any kind of close relationship–both my friends and my lovers and probably my coworkers.  When I think about why, with regards to non-sexual relationships, it’s mostly because I don’t really want to go through all the effort to avoid disclosing by accident.  Shit comes up.  I’m continually surprised at how OFTEN it does.  And it makes for some hilarious jokes.  With regards to sexual relationships, I want to be able to be touched and receive pleasure and be eroticized within the context of the body that I have… usually.  This doesn’t apply to all the casual sex I want to have post-op.  Unless my sexual wiring changes significantly, I’ll probably have plenty of encounters in which I am sexual with other guys (cissexual and transsexual) and don’t disclose, because, frankly, I don’t need to feel emotionally close to someone I’m blowing in a bathroom–that being sort of the point.

I don’t feel that anyone has a place to judge another person’s level of disclosure with regards to sex.  That’s not just my take on transsexual history.  It’s also my take on STIs, marital status, etc.  Sex is about negotiation and risk level.  If you aren’t interested in contracting an infection, then have protected sex every time, abstain from particular activities (or all activities), or what have you, until you’re able to negotiate sexuality on your terms in a way that makes you feel safe.  I have a similar view of transsexual history disclosure.  It’s arrogant to assume that nobody your genitals come into contact with could possibly have an STI or a wife (or that they’d tell you if they did).  And it smacks of cissexual privilege to assume that nobody you come into contact with has a transsexual history, or to assume that you would know if you did.

Sure, there are risks involved for the non-disclosing and the disclosing transsexual person, but it’s their decision to make, and not a question of ethics, and not an appropriate subject for debate.