Battle Lines
I first said this, I think, in a conversation with Huck over at LiveJournal. And I keep thinking about it. Because I think it’s something that I haven’t been able to put my finger on until now.
I perceive there to be a very carefully policed line between “transmasculine” people and “transsexual men”. I don’t think that those words are the best possible ones to describe what I’m referring to, but I also don’t think that the two groups really exist–at least not in the way they’re being used.
I read some of the discussions before the explanation of why they removed trans men from “Top Hot Butches” was posted. And I’ve been paying attention to the kind of langauge that’s used to talk about the kinds of people who were bothered by the list.
And it hit home pretty hard. The “transsexual men” do it, and the “transmaculine” people do it. And the cis allies do it. And people being creepy and fetishistic about it do it. And, believe me, I have a fucking lot to say about cisgenderism among binary-identified folks (trans and cis). But something about the subversivism is framed here really fucks with my head.
The idea is that nobody who isn’t a Classic Transsexual could possibly have a hard time with shit like “transmasculine” or that stupid list, or Margaret Cho’s creepy bullshit, or blah blah blah. The only people who are seeing a problem are portrayed as MTM, binary-identified, male-identified, man-identified, cisgender, not-radical, and stealth (or wanting to be stealth). And, very often, not queer.
And, it’s a way of silencing concerns. Because all those things–male identities, nondisclosure, cisgender identities–are perceived as somehow backwards Or, if not backwards, at least less advanced. Like no cisgender transsexual male could possibly understand what might make another trans guy identify differently. Binary identities are less evolved, and not radical, and those identities are treated the way I imagine they treat their grandmothers using the internet.
Even in the “I can see how this is problematic” bits, there’s often a hidden for some of you backwards tr***ies who are holding back our revolution. Like dissenters need to be humored and shushed, so that everybody can go back to universalizing the experience of some trans male/mascuine people. The ones they like more.
It’s pretty busted, actually. I actually hesitate to write anything publicly about this sort of stuff, because I know thatpeople will probably walk away thinking that I’m cisgender. And I don’t want to be painted as cisgender as a genderqueer person any more than I want to be painted as butch/masculine as a trans male person.
Because I want to say something. Because these people are my community. I mean, supposedly. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be discounted because some people just can’t conceive of someone who is genderqueer and out and queer thinking that it’s fucked up to say shit that projects the identities/interests/experiences of your pet tr***yboys onto all trans male/masculine people. Not just because I want to stick up for my cisgender transsexual friends. Not just because I love internet drama (although, I do love that shit).
But because it really does hurt me too, as somebody who has a whole lot in common with binary-identified trans men. One of those things just happens to not be my gender identity.
How do I even start to talk about all this? How do I even make sense when I have so much fucking shit I want to say. How do I start, knowing that I’ll be ignored, and slammed, and invalidated? Is it even worth it to me to try?
Then again, I already feel pretty ignored, and slammed, and invalidated. So let’s do this shit.