(trans)prose

What I’m Doing:
I’m maintaining a transition website, keeping it as informative and detailed as I can stand.   It will be constantly changing as I go through old journal entries and photos and add them in.

December 2008 : Me & Rudy

Most of my transition page is about my medical transition: top surgery and testosterone.   I’m trying to include some entries about my social transition, and about the way my views about gender and bodies have changed.   A lot of those older entries are embarrassing, but I feel it’s important to include them here, at least for now.

I’m also keeping a small blog about trans/genderqueer community politics, especially as they intersect with my experiences.   I’m currently in the process of reworking many older, more private journal entries to post publicly on this blog; please bear with me.

Who I am:
I’m Caleb.   At least in internet trans spaces.   If you come to know me by my other name(s), please respect my privacy by referring to me only as Caleb in this context.  Without a little bit of internet anonymity, I won’t be able to keep my transition resource live.

I’m a twentysomething working-class white guy. I live in a small city in the Deep South, and until kind of recently I thought that all earth was red clay.

I live happily with my partner “K” in an open (but currently monamorous) relationship. We have separate rooms in the three bedroom house we share with our roommate and our pet rats. This house is the first place I’ve lived for longer than a year since I was 18.

I’m queer*.  I identify as bisexual, though “pansexual” may be a more technically accurate term, since I am also attracted to people who are neither male nor female.

I’m genderqueer**, and my pronoun is “he”. My gender is non-binary, but I live my daily life as a man****, and I benefit from [passing-as-cissexual-]male privilege in most areas of my life.

I’m female-to-male (FTM) transsexual***. I consider “trans” to be my experience, not my identity.

Recently, I’ve gone back to school for my associate degree in nursing. I balance part-time work, full-time school, and a weekend nonprofit internship with a little bit of activism on the side.

* my sexuality; my attraction to people’s bodies and identities on their own terms; unrelated to my trans status or genderqueer identity
** my gender identity and expression; my claiming my right to femininity as a man, a queer man, and a trans man; NOT my past, present or future body
*** the history of my body; my dysphoria and the steps I’ll always be taking to lessen it
**** my privilege, whether or not it was my birthright; acknowledgement of my institutional power over women, and over those who can’t/don’t/won’t “pass” as cissexual

Where I’m At:
You can find me over at livejournal, or contact me by email at a.paper.machete[at]gmail[dot]com.

If you like, you can leave me feedback by leaving a comment below–old school guestbook style.