A lot of the language I use here is for the purpose of making my site more useful as a resource–that is, that this information is findable by folks who are searching for it. In the (very few) situations I talk about the subjects I discuss here, I don’t tend to use a lot of the terms that are as likely to end up in the bar of a search engine. Not anymore at least–the way that I talk about my body, identity, and experiences has changed a lot since I first googled “FTM testosterone diary”.
This section is to document the way I view my experience as a transitioned person, and perhaps offer some alternatives for those in need of way to describe their bodies and lives in a way that feels more affirming.
Also, if for some reason you find yourself referencing something I’ve written here, or talking about my personal identity or experience, I would appreciate it if you’d use my preferred language to do so, which is not necessarily reflected by the language I’ve used elsewhere on this site.
I don’t refer to myself as FTM or F2M, or as a(n) FTM or F2M. I don’t spell it out, either, as in “female-to-male”. I don’t identify as transsexual, or as a transsexual. While my experience fits pretty nicely under the umbrella term “transgender”, I don’t tend to use that for myself, either.
I don’t consider myself to have ever been female, a girl, or a woman, so my “transition” (which is also a word that I use–for now, at least) was from a body that other people regarded as female to a body that other people recognized as male, rather than from female to male.
I don’t consider my sex (or my gender, for that matter) to have changed because of my transition, at least not exclusively. The way I present and relate to my gender and sex have changed over the course of my transition, of course–but that seems pretty typical of people in their late teens and early twenties, although those transitions into adult gender and sex aren’t usually thought of as such.
Although I’m generally fine with being referred to as “trans”, these days, it feels most accurate to refer to myself as “transitioned”. I was assigned female at birth (AFAB) based on the appearance of my genitals when I was born, and lived my childhood and adolescence as a person who was incorrectly perceived to be female. As a young adult, I took medical steps to ensure that people perceived me correctly–as male.
My sex is male. Not “transmale” or “trans male” or any term that implies that my sex (or my body in general) requires explanatory footnotes. Some aspects of my body might be atypical and cause me varying degrees of dysphoria, but I am no less male because of it than are males with hypogonadism, testicular failure, chromosomal abnormalities, gynecomastia, who are infertile, or who have experienced unfortunate accidents and injuries.
Unless my transition history is relevant in the sentence, it doesn’t belong there. For example, “Caleb, who is trans, maintains a site about his transition.” is fine, but “Caleb, who is trans, is a nursing student.” isn’t.
I live my life as a man. Although my gender is non-binary and I don’t particularly identify with the them, I prefer the words “man” or “guy” to ones with modifiers (transguy or trans guy, trans man or transman…). The same rules apply as in the above paragraph. ”Caleb, a trans guy, is the facilitator of a support group for trans people.” is okay, while “Caleb, a trans guy, primarily dates men.” is not.
I’m also an adult, not any sort of boy, and I’m not masculine–much less “transmasculine” or part of some sort of spectrum of “trans masculinity”. I’ve found that anyone who assumes that my gender and/or sex belong in the same category as masculine people who are female are missing the point profoundly, and are not worth engaging with.
I don’t think of being “on T” any differently than being on any other regulatory medication for the maintenance of something like hypertension, diabetes, or depression. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is a pretty common treatment for any number of medical conditions that result in a patient producing inadequate amounts of the sex hormone that would give me the secondary sex characteristics of most adult males. So, like with other medications, outside of very specific contexts (in a doctor’s office, on this website) I don’t tend to share my dosage, the date or time I began HRT, exactly how long I’ve been on it, or detailed accounts of HRT’s effect on my body.
I consider the surgical aspects of my transition as somewhere between body modification and re-constructive surgery. I usually say “chest surgery” or “chest reconstruction surgery” rather than “top surgery”, and “genital reconstruction surgery”, “genital surgery”, or simply the name of the procedure rather than “bottom surgery” or “lower surgery”.
If you’re writing about me or quoting me and aren’t sure about a term or description you’ve used, please feel free to simply contact me and ask.