Tag Archives: Testosterone

Not too much has changed for me in this past month.  I’ve been consistently perceived as male for more than three months now. My voice changes seem to have stopped for the moment, which I’m a little disappointed about.

My mustache is coming in painfully slowly.  My goatee is creeping up my chin, and my neck beard runs from one ear to the other (I keep it clipped as short as possible).  I still have only a small amount of acne, although there’s an occasional breakout.

I’m hairy as hell; I haven’t been minding it as much lately, but since it’s getting warm, I’ll probably be more self-conscious about it soon.  Fat migration is definitely in full swing, as all of the fat in my body seems to have concentrated in my stomach.  Acne on my back and shoulders is an issue, and it’s much-aggravated by my binder.  Not binding is simply not an option anymore, so I’m concerned about how I’m going to handle binding during the intense heat of summer.

I took some measurements and compared them to measurements I took before starting HRT.  I’ve gained an inch in my neck and two inches in my shoulders.  My biceps are half an inch bigger than before, and my chest (under-bust measurement) has gained two inches.  I’ve gained an inch in my waist, but lost an inch in my hips.  Finally, I’ve gained an inch in my thigh.  With the exception of my waist, all gains appear to be muscle.  My shoe size has also remained the same, although I had hoped my feet would grow a bit (as rumors suggested they might).

In the past month, I’ve grown slightly more comfortable with my dick, but have been battling weight/body issues. I feel fat, although I don’t think I’ve gained much (if any) weight over these past months.  At the same time, people have commented that I seem to be losing weight, from my butt and legs especially.  I know this is part of the process, and I know that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, especially because the extra weight in my gut helps hide my chest.

My voice reads consistently as male at this point.  On the rare occasions when my voice (over phone or intercom) is read as female, I suspect that it has more to do with my female-patterned and expressive speech than on my actual pitch.  Oh well–I refuse to be monotone.

I feel like my face has started to lose some of the puffiness it’s had for a few months, and I’m so very relieved by that.  I’m getting a few more mustache hairs, and my cheeks have more fuzz on them.  More of the same, really.

Since I haven’t been working out as I’d planned, there hasn’t been an increase in muscle mass.  My chest and stomach are definitely hairier, and a few more odd hairs have shown up on my back (!!!). The hair on the tops of my feet and arms has definitely gotten longer and darker, too.

My sex drive is still lower than when I first started my transition.  My dick has probably quadrupled in size, and I’ve had a harder time getting used to it than I thought I would.  It still throws me off whenever I see it or touch it, and I’m strangely self-conscious about it.  I’m hoping this will change for the better soon as well.

Over the past month or so, I’ve had to accept that there are some things about being on testosterone that I don’t like.  It was hard to do, considering what I went through to begin HRT.  I’ve had to accept that I experience emotion differently, and it’s harder for me to talk about my feelings.  I’ve been making a conscious effort to try to be more at home in my mind and body.  It seems to be working, since I’ve been able to cry again, and I’m having an easier time with verbal and textual communication.

My voice changes seem to have slowed considerably; I don’t think it has changed at all in the past month. I was ill for the latter part of December and the beginning of January, and once I was no longer hoarse, I was irrationally worried that my voice had risen in pitch.

I’m thinking that perhaps my jaw is getting a bit more defined, but that could just be me being hopeful.  I’m not sure how much my facial hair has actually changed in the past month, but I have figured out a grooming plan I can deal with, thanks to an electric beard trimmer (a holiday gift from my best friend).  For most of my face, I just use the clippers without the guard, which is short enough to make it look less patchy and pitiful, but long enough to be soft rather than scratchy. I use a short guard for my goatee, because I always miss it when I shave it.  I’ve let my sideburns continue to grow, and I use the clippers without a guard to square them off.  I’ve managed to stop the acne in its tracks for now, thankfully.

I haven’t noticed any significant body fat redistribution, or any real muscle development. Colonies of hair, though, are popping up left and right, especially just below the back of my neck–it’s gross, really. My chest hasn’t gotten much new hair that I’ve noticed, but my belly continues to get fuzzier. My feet and toes are also getting hairy. I have a small patch of 8 or 9 dark hairs on my upper right arm (where I had only a single dark hair pre-testosterone).

My sex drive has definitely lowered lately, and I’m not sure why. My appreciation for bodies and people remains high, and my self-esteem is okay. But sex (especially being touched) has become much less of a priority, and I feel like I can either take it or leave it, and that I’d usually much rather take a nap or read.  It could possibly have to do with the fact that I am incredibly self-conscious about my chest. If I thought that taking T would help make the wait for top surgery more bearable, I was sadly mistaken.

I’ve noticed, and people have commented, that my moods are very level.  I’ve always been incredibly grounded, but these days I can occasionally come across as stoic.  It’s not a change I like, but it’s definitely true that I am much, much less emotional. I also tend to speak less, although I am still much more social than I ever was pre-T.

I’m still on the same schedule and dosage, and I’m still hungry and sleepy for the first day or so afterwards.  Hot flashes have almost disappeared, and there’s no sign of menstruation, thankfully.

My voice has continued to drop steadily, and I love it.  At this point, my voice is read as male fairly consistently; I’m amazed at how quickly the transformation happened.  My voice still cracks often, and my singing voice is still unreliable.  When I’m perceived as male, I think that I’m perceived as gay (which is fine with me, since I identify as bisexual).  I figure this is because of my lisp and my use of my hands when speaking.  Also, I think I unconsciously tried to use a more monotonous voice to seem more male.  Now that I don’t have to do that, my voice is much more expressive.

I must look different, because I am passing extremely often–even without binding. I need to shave at least every other day, and I have a lot more facial hair than I did two months ago. I have a peach-fuzz mustache, my chin continues to fill in and creep up towards the sides of my mouth.  My neck is super hairy; I have very visible neck whiskers if I don’t shave. Sideburn production is well underway; I’m considering growing them out in the coming month. My cheeks are growing hairs along the top edge of where my beard should be; it’s as if they’re outlining the beard before coloring it in.  I’m not having too much trouble with acne, although I usually have some on my shoulders. 

Holy crap I’m hairy. One morning in mid-November, I looked down and saw that my entire belly was covered in darkening peach fuzz. My happy trail is expanding outwards and converting those little hairs, and I don’t think it’ll be long before my tummy is completely covered. I’m getting a few more odd hairs on my chest, and I think the patch in the center of my chest is growing.  Perhaps the hair on my lower back is darker or thicker, as well.  I feel like my hair is changing texture, as well–thickening, darkening; fortunately, it’s still soft so far. The size of my shoulders and arms are still commented on every now and then.  

My sex drive is still high, and my dick has grown a lot as well.  I haven’t been able to use my front-hole for sex, though; it’s been too sensitive.  It’s not too much of a loss, though, since I had only been using it for a few months.

I have a shorter temper than I used to, and also that I am more inclined/able to express that anger than ever before.  Also, I find myself completely unable to cry.  If I’ve cried since beginning injections, I can’t remember it.  Situations and feelings that once would’ve made me cry usually register as irritation or anger.

Within a shot or two of my “one month” update, my moods and energy had leveled considerably and so I’ve kept my dose and schedule at 100mg every 10 days.  A few hours after my shots I do still tend to be very hungry and sleepy.  My mood and energy and appetite are stable, but are a good bit higher than they tended to be pre-testosterone.  Since beginning HRT, I’ve only menstruated once–a few days after my first shot.  I do cramp sometimes, and I’ve had occasional hot flashes, but that’s all I’ve heard from my reproductive system lately.

By far, the most significant change this month has been my voice. I’m thrilled; a deeper voice is one of the main things I wanted out of hormone therapy. My voice has peaks and drops throughout the day, and I can’t sing to save my life. It only tends to crack, however, if I try to project my voice.

My existing facial hair seems darker and more noticeable, and the shape of my face has changed slightly. A few more hairs have showed up in the middle of my chin–the very visible gap seems to be slowly filling in. A single dark moustache hair has been spotted above the right corner of my mouth, along with increased blonde fuzz in the area. It seems that the hair I do have has been growing a good bit faster than I’m used to.

Other people have commented that my arms and back and shoulders seem bigger. I feel physically stronger, but that could just be in my head. I may be losing fat in my hips and butt, because it’s been difficult to keep my pants up lately.

I sleep all the time. I’m always hungry–in fact, I wish I had known how hungry I really would be so that we could’ve doubled our food budget. My face and body is mostly free of acne; I haven’t gotten any more than I normally would, that I can tell.

I’ve always had a very high sex drive, but I am definitely more willing to have sex, and able to have sex more often than I did pre-T. I’m not sure if this is just because my comfort level with myself is increasing, or if it’s a biological side effect of T. It may also help that my dick has grown quite a bit in the past month–it makes it easier to feel male during sex.

Sometime after my third shot, I woke up one morning and it dawned on me how good I feel now. I feel more social than I have ever since I can remember. I’m more quick to assert myself. I feel like I’m friendlier and I think I smile a lot more.

A pattern is starting to emerge in my shot cycle. A few hours after a shot, I’m incredibly tired. I usually do shots in the evening so that I can sleep 12-14 hours that night. For the first two or three days of my shot cycle my dick is hypersensitive and often painful to touch. My mood is fairly stable and good for most of my cycle, until usually the night before my next shot, when I usually notice a sharp increase in irritability, emotional sensitivity, and a sharp decrease in my energy level.

The clinic told me to listen to my body and adjust my dose and schedule slightly until I figure out what works best for me, so long as I don’t go over 200mg per 14 days. My prescription is for 150mg every 14 days, but I’ve gone to a 100mg/10 day cycle. I’m waiting for a bit to see how well this cycle works for me; if I still notice a drop-off at the end of the cycle after another month has passed, I’ll most likely change to 75mg/week.