18 months post-op

The scars are now almost completely flat.  A couple of areas which gave me the most trouble during healing are still in the process of flattening out.  They have faded to pale pink and white, and seem to be fading more and more with time.  Some sections seem close to disappearing altogether.  Until this point, I have mostly avoided exposing the scars to direct sunlight, though I will probably switch to using sunscreen.

Areolar pigment is still returning–slowly but surely. I hardly notice, really. For a while, I was having issues with ingrown hairs, but they’ve settled down–now I have 5-7 hairs that actually grow through the areola. That used to bother me, but I don’t even notice anymore. The scars from the nipple grafts have completely disappeared, and my nipples aren’t as raised off of my chest as they had been. My nipples look and feel–to my at least–like nipples that had never been grafted.

Sensation is a trickier matter. My chest is not as sensate as the rest of my body, and not as sensate as it was before surgery. I don’t have any particular patches of numbness anymore. I have some sense of hot and cold throughout my chest. I can feel light and firm pressure through most of my chest–though the areas just above my incision lines, just below both my nipples, and right around my left nipple are hit and miss with light touches. Most of my chest can feel pain, though in the number areas it registers as a discomfort i can’t really place, rather than as pain. It’s a very strange feeling, and not one I enjoy.

My nipples aren’t completely insensate, but the sensations I get there are unpredictable, and not usually pleasant. I don’t usually feel hot/cold, and I sometimes can feel both light and deep pressure. At this point, though, my brain seem to just fill in the information I’m not actually getting, so I rarely notice that my nipples–or any sections of my chest–are insensate.

18 months post-op : left side

18 months post-op : left nipple

18 months post-op : right side

18 months post-op : right nipple

6 months post-op

There are only a few tiny bits of my areola that are lacking pigment. Color is still returning, but more slowly than during initial healing. I actually got a zit/ingrown hair under my areola sometime last month.  It was really gross, and I got irrationally afraid of my nipple being fucked up permanently.  It’s fine now, of course, but I hope it never happens again.

6 months post-op : left side

6 months post-op : left nipple

6 months post-op : right side

6 months post-op : right nipple

5 months post-op

I’m not completely comfortable having my shirt off around strangers yet, but I occasionally drive home from work without a shirt on, or scurry out to check the mail in only some pajama bottoms.

But there’s nothing like walking or riding a bike or sitting outside on a hot day without four layers of lycra binding down over 6lbs of breast tissue.

Additionally, I think I’m starting to regain some sensation in my right nipple–although just barely. The only feeling I get is slight pain/discomfort when it’s pinched or rubbed firmly, such as when I am massaging shea butter onto my chest.

There’s a spot on my left nipple (just where the nipple meets the areola) which tends to be irritated due to a single hair that tries to push through in that area.

5 months post-op : left side

5 months post-op : left nipple

5 months post-op : right side

5 months post-op : right nipple

4 months post-op

Contrast and redness are exagerrated in photos, especially in the case of my nipples.

I’ve been slacking a bit on the scar treatment; I’m down to shea butter once every day.

Almost all color has returned to my nipples. I’ve been thinking of getting my right nipple pierced at some point, because it’s not quite as perfect as my left nipple, and I suspect it’d distract from their differences.

4 months post-op : left side

4 months post-op : left nipple

4 months post-op : right side

4 months post-op : right nipple

3 months post-op

I had thought all the sutures had been excised, but I discovered one last centimeter a week or so ago.  It came out when I was scratching an itch on my left side.

Already, some sections of my scars have faded significantly.  The areas that bore the brunt of the suture reactions are red and slightly raised.  I’m worrying about it, of course, but I’m trying to bear in mind that this is supposedly the time when my scars are at the height of their thickness and redness.  Hopefully, it’ll all be downhill from here.

During showers, I massage my chest firmly, making sure to move the skin in all different directions.  I’m hoping this will increase blood flow and encourage nerve regrowth, as well as break down and smooth out the scar tissue.

I’m continually reminding myself that although I’m past the initial stages of healing, I should expect my chest to improve over the long-term.  Anecdotal evidence suggests that sensation returns over a period of years.  It’s much too soon to tell if I’ve suffered permanent nerve damage.  Much of my right pec is still numb, although I can usually feel pressure.  My left pec is a bit better, but nowhere near where I’d like to be.

3 months post-op : left side

3 months post-op : left nipple

3 months post-op : right side

3 months post-op : right nipple

2 months post-op

I’ve been back at work for 2 weeks. My range of motion is 99% normal. I’m getting antsy to do all the things I couldn’t do before because I was self-conscious about my chest.

For now, I feel very much post-transition. I don’t have the money for a name change quite yet, but that just feels more like cleaning up a small mess after you’ve built something huge and intricate.

I still have some puffiness on my left side, but I’m hoping it will resolve itself over time.  If not, I’ll consider a revision.  

The left side has been healing better than the right side overall.   The scab visible in the left-side photo is the scab from which I poured blood the other day.

On the right side, sutures continue to surface, as evidenced by the angry redness in the photos.  I have about three dry, brittle scabs that I’m hoping will clear up soon.  At least the redness is beginning to thin out and remain concentrated around the incision instead of spreading out all over the place like it was doing.

My left nipple is less prominent than it was a few weeks ago.  The pigment is coming back to my areola quite fast.  Where the brown is returning, the nipple is also smoother and less raised than the pink parts.  In creepy news, though, I have a hair coming out of the spot where my nipple meets my areola.  That follicle had better die soon if it knows what’s good for it. 

No weird hairs coming out of my right nipple, though, thankfully.  There’s less pigment returning in this one, and it remains pretty raised.  I’m not too worried, though, since this one held onto its goo-scab for a lot longer than its easterly counterpart.

2 months post-op : left side

2 months post-op : left nipple

2 months post-op : right side

2 months post-op : right nipple

6 weeks post-op

I stuck my hand under my hoodie and my shirt just to check on things–usually it’s nothing, or maybe a little bit of fluid from the gross suture reactions which are still happening in a few places along my incisions.

My hand came back covered in blood.  I ran to the bathroom, ripped my shirts off in the stall, and snatched up some toilet paper to catch the blood dripping down my stomach.  There was a lot of blood.  I cleaned up, stopped the bleeding, and shakily left the restroom to find a worried K.

The worst part is that I have no idea why that happened.  I think that there may have been some collected blood under one of the scabs, and it just burst randomly.

While it was disgusting, it fortunately doesn’t seem to have done any damage at all.  It just scared the living shit out of me, grossing me out profoundly in the process.

6 weeks post-op

I still have bruises on my sides from the liposuction, but they’re very light; I probably wouldn’t notice if they didn’t hurt sometimes.

I’m still having some gross suture reactions.  A few days ago, I thought I had a chest pimple.  But when I popped it, something like two tablespoons of pus and lymph and chest surgery shit came out of that one single pore.  It was truly disgusting.

The incision lines at the sides of my chest are soft and pliable, so I’m hoping I won’t have dogears.  There are some hard, thick areas of scar tissue on the incision lines below each nipple (the darker section).

Scar treatment remains the same: Palmer’s shea butter twice a day.  I also do some scar massage while in the shower, usually.

There’s a bit more fatty tissue on my left side than the right. My right pec is completely flat–almost concave.  If this doesn’t resolve itself over time, I may eventually have a revision.  Of course, everybody says my chest looks perfect; the flaws are only glaring to me.

Sensation seems to be returning slowly.  The left side is no longer hypersensitive, and I’m only numb for about an inch in each direction from my nipple.  My right side isn’t faring as well.  I’m numb from the incisions to a little past my nipple; it’s an area probably 2″ high and 6″ wide.

Aesthetically, my nipples seem good. Brown is starting to show up over the pale pink color that was there originally when the scabs came off. I have distinct nipples, although my left one is more pronounced than my right one.

I have a few chest hairs that seem to have survived the grafting and therefore come right through my nipple.  And I don’t mean around the edge of the areola–I mean they’re coming up between my nipple and the areola.  It’s really unsettling, and I hope those follicles die–soon.

6 weeks post-op : left side

6 weeks post-op : left nipple

6 weeks post-op : right side

3 weeks post-op : right nipple

3 weeks post-op

I stopped using the binder at 17 days post-op; I couldn’t take it anymore.  There’s still some swelling in places and some occasional fluid seeps through what’s left of my scabs.  On my side of the bed, there are little spots of blood and chest goop.

I’m having reactions to the sutures still.  They’re coming to the surface and poking out of the incisions, where I grab them and try to slide them out.  I pulled out like 3″ of suture from my left side a few days ago–which is a record length.  It was awesome and disgusting.

My incisions are thin, but getting redder, which is supposedly normal.  The scars are supposed to be at their reddest and hardest from now until 3 months post-op.K has been great about helping me with scar treatment.  He rubs shea butter on my chest and nipples twice a day.  At first, he was doing it because I was too freaked out by my chest to even look at it. Nowadays, it’s become something of a sweet romantic gesture.

Nowadays, I can sleep on my side fairly comfortably, so long as I can get my arms and the end of my incision in the right place.  I’m almost comfortable on my belly.

I am so happy with my chest.  It still freaks me out occasionally, but it’s becoming really rare these days.  I love just throwing on a shirt and leaving the house.  And being able to take off my shirt and not be indecent.  And the way I look in shirts, giant belly or not.

I’m just not stressed when I leave the house anymore.  I’m not in physical pain all the time from binding.  I feel happier than I’ve felt since I can remember.  Now, I’m just waiting anxiously to see the final contour of my chest, and waiting for sensation to come back in a couple of areas that are still holding out.

It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

3 weeks post-op : left side

3 weeks post-op : left nipple

3 weeks post-op : right side

3 weeks post-op : right nipple

I could drive as of yesterday.  I’ve also been able to have sex, thanks to creative positioning.

My incisions are narrow, smooth, and pink.

My left areola has almost completely peeled, and it’s that creepy pink color.  My right areola just started shedding that disgusting, gooey grey scab/skin in the shower today, and it’s probably 1/3 pink.  I really hope that after this initial peel, there is no more scabbing/peeling.

The maxi pad bandages drive me absolutely up the wall.  After an hour or so, they itch like mad.  I’ve been spending an increasing amount of time outside of the binder between dressing changes.  So, today, I’m giving myself a break.  I’m covering my nipples, of course, but I’m going to leave off the binder for a few hours.  If I hurt or swell up, then I’ll put it back on.  Otherwise, I think I can handle binding at night and in the evening, but letting my skin breathe in the mornings and afternoons.

Sleeping in my binder and on my back is making me breathe funny–sleep apnea style.  I haven’t been able to fall asleep as fast or stay asleep for long enough since surgery, because I usually sleep on my stomach or on my side.  I’ve almost constructed a way to sleep kinda sorta partially on my side, by putting a pillow under half of my back.  It’s pathetic, but it helps.    

I just went to brunch with K wearing only nipple gauze and some loose shirts.  I felt like I’d left the house without pants.  And kind of angry and mournful about binding and breasts and access to surgery.  It’s so simple to just throw (or gently wrestle) on a shirt and go out.  It’s so painless.

I’m so glad that I’m post-op, even though my chest still freaks me out in its wound-like state, with its numb areas and hypersensitivity, and its limiting effect on my range of motion and reach.  But it’s the best result I’ve seen so far, especially on a chubby guy.  Maybe I only think that because it’s mine, but I think that’s valid.

It’s amazing to think that my medical transition is basically over, since I have no plans for a hysterectomy or genital surgery at this point in time.  I still have to change all my documents over, but that seems really minor after the past year.